


Ashen Remains : Part One

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-06 20:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10344225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: SPOILERS: After season three, a little for "Jolinar’s Memories."While leaving a planet, Daniel disappears (they need to put a bell on him...) When he is found, he doesn’t remember the attack.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Stargate SG-1 | Gen Fanfiction | Ashen Remains : Part One

Before them lay the entire gray scale, from pernicious black to stark white and every gradient in between. And it was deathly still. The ragged shapes and cruel projections that littered the field screamed silently to them that only death and suffering could come from this place. The constant crackling of parched tinder extinguishing itself heightened their levels of anxiety. They walked through the barren soil stealthily, weapons poised, safeties off. Major Winston stopped, pointed to his eyes, then out in front of him, and finally held up three fingers. Jack acknowledged the sighting and hunkered down. From his vest he took the infrared binoculars and scanned the area.. There was no sign of life, no sign of heat for the first 30 feet. And then a fragment of green emerged between the gray tones. Jack motioned back to Winston to look at the image from his perspective. After doing so, the sergeant gave an affirmative. Slowly, methodically SG1 and SG3 shortened the distance between them and the only thing on the planet emitting heat. When they were within five yards they began to realize that what they had seen was in fact flesh. The contrast of the skin against the ubiquitous ashen surroundings set their pulses racing. Every fiber in their beings screamed for them to rush to him, but they knew that caution was their only recourse against an enemy they had yet to meet. Systematically, they fanned out to form right and left flanks around him, guarding against enemy approach, if they possibly could. When their positions were secure, Jack and Sam carefully crossed the remaining feet to ascertain the situation. The body was covered with burnt grasses. Only the taut glimpse of a hip joint was recognizable. Jack's blood ran cold. It had never been an option to recover just a body. He prayed it wasn't his only option now. Jack frenetically brushed the chard clippings from the body. _Oh, God, Daniel_ , Jack frantically thought. Daniel’s articles of clothing were mere rags, torn away, burned, allowing most of his body to be attacked by the savage atmosphere. Wherever the material gave way to flesh, welts and blisters were apparent. Jack quickly checked for a pulse as Sam stood guard over them. 

"Come on. Come on," Jack uttered, waiting breathlessly for the vascular sign, his own hands shaking. There was a pulse, but it was weak and ragged. Jack gently wiped the ashes off of Daniel’s mouth and eyes. His skin was tainted by a combination of the gray soot covering him and the lack of oxygen entering his body. 

"Daniel? Danny? You with me?" Daniel’s eyes opened slowly, the particles under his lids scraping mercilessly against his corneas. Daniel's lips were cracked and plastered with dried blood. 

"Jack? Help me," Daniel begged in a voice ragged from hours left in this hell. 

"We're going to get you out of here, buddy. Just...stay with me, Daniel," Jack pleaded as he manipulated Daniel's savaged limbs, readying him for transport. Crushed beneath him, Daniel's right hand came up crimson and grotesquely dented. Daniel moaned in excruciating pain. "Sorry, Daniel." _Dammit!_ Jack hissed as he placed the mangled limb on Daniel's chest. Jack's heart raced knowing every second they stayed on this planet were seconds torn from Daniel's life. The strangled sound of wheezing forced Jack to watch Daniel's chest. With each labored intake of air, Daniel's sternum caved in. _Oh, Christ! He's suffocating!_ Jack crammed the realization out of his mind. _Focus. Focus. Just get him home!_

"I'm dying. Jesus God, I'm dying," Daniel mewled.

"No, you're not," Jack ordered, bringing Daniel's serrated legs into line.

"I'm cold, Jack," Daniel uttered. Sam stole a glance at Daniel.

"He's in shock, sir. We need to get him out of here," she beseeched the colonel. 

"I'm working on it, Carter!" Jack forcefully whispered, hoping his voice wouldn't betray his fears. "Your thermal wrap, now!" Sam ripped off her field pack, tore the thermal wrap out, and forced it into Jack's hand. Together they covered Daniel's body to the sounds of his tortured utterances. 

"Teal'c!" Jack intoned just above a whisper. Teal'c sprinted to his side. "I need the stretcher!" Jack crouched next to Daniel's face, lightly touching the scorched skin with fingertips. "Daniel, this is going to hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, but we need to get you on the stretcher," he apologized, and then returned next to Sam. The two grabbed Daniel's far side. "On three," Jack commanded, rattling off the count. As they rolled Daniel's abused body toward them, his face contorted with pain. Unholy sounds escaped him, tearing into Jack's gut. _Aw, dammit, Daniel!_ Teal'c instantly tucked the stretcher under Daniel, and they rolled him back. Sam and Jack worked feverishly to fasten the straps around Daniel.

"God, stop!" Daniel pleaded. Jack waved Major Winston to him. The four, Teal'c, Sam, Jack and Winston grabbed the sides of the stretcher and hastlily lifted Daniel off the ground. 

"Move! Move!" Jack ordered. Both teams scrambled toward the distant Stargate. "Hold on, Daniel. We're taking you home," he assured Daniel as the young man's eyes rolled back in their sockets. "Let's go!!" he bellowed. _Only a hundred more yards, Danny_. _Come on, Danny. Don't leave me, Danny._ "Come on! Move it!!" _Fifty yards._ "Carter!" Jack growled taking her handle. "Go! Dial!" Sam let go and sprinted ahead to the DHD. _Thirty yards, Daniel. We're almost there._ "Danny? You with me?" Jack glanced at Daniel, his body rocking with the motion of the stretcher. _Oh, God. Come on, Danny. Open your eyes for me. Fifteen yards._ "Carter?!"

"One more, sir!" she yelled smacking the central control.

They reached the crest of the 'gate as the wormhole stabilized. They let their momentum penetrate the surface and through to the other side where they appeared clamorously in the embarkation room. Doctor Fraiser and her team met them at the base of the ramp, snatching the stretcher from them. The medics transferred Daniel to an awaiting gurney and whisked him from the room in a blur. The remaining SG members crashed through the oscillating surface and joined their teammates, bent over, gasping for breath. Jack stood panting, his sight trained on the wake of the gurney. He reached blindly for the side-rail with a shaking hand. Once in his grasp, Jack hastily lowered himself to the first step. He held steadfast to the rail, resting his head on his arm. _Dammit! Dammit all to hell, Daniel!_ He ripped off his helmet and flung it to the ground.

"Colonel, ten minutes, and then I want some answers." General Hammond informed him, crossing in front of Jack on his way to the infirmary.

"Yes, sir," Jack answered blankly as members of the rescue party slowly filed past him. Jack heard his title being called out three times before he turned sharply to acknowledge the voice. Sam sat next to him, her torso and head turned to him so that only he could see the despair in her eyes.

"We found him in time, didn't we?" she asked, her blue eyes wide with fear. Jack's lips moved independently of vocal production. "Colonel, didn't we?" she implored. His eyes darted back and forth across her own. He felt his throat constricting. _I have to get out of here_ , he realized pulling himself to his feet, grinding his teeth. 

"Debriefing's in ten, Major," Jack harshly told her. He pushed away from the railing and propelled himself numbly to the locker room. Sam lowered her head and wrapped her arms around her neck. 

"Yes, sir," Sam confirmed morosely. Teal'c stepped in front of her.

"He will be fine, Major Carter. Daniel Jackson has the soul of a warrior. This shall not stop him," he assuaged her, the mellifluous timbre of his voice supplying a salve to Samantha's troubled mind.

"I want to believe that, Teal'c."

"You have but no other choice, Major Carter," he reminded her, offering his hand. After a moment, Sam accepted Teal'c's hand and stood up. She held onto the Jaffa's embracing grip beyond the specifications of the initial offer. She needed to feel his confidence, draw from Teal'c a modicum of his strength and assuredness to make up for the lack of her own.

"Thank you, Teal'c." Teal'c bowed his head to Sam and motioned for her to lead him out of the embarkation room.

***** 

"Let's get this started, Colonel," General Hammond ordered. Jack sat as if in prayer with his forehead resting on intertwined fingers. "From the beginning, how did we lose track of Dr. Jackson." 

"We had finished our survey of P5X-729. I ordered everyone to leave. When we arrived back here, we noticed that Daniel wasn't...with us. We attempted to contact him. When that failed, we gated back through. On the other side we were met by a firestorm. I ordered SG1 to fall back until which time we could send a probe through." Jack pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumbs. "The third time the probe came back, it gave us the all-clear. SG1 and SG3 immediately 'gated back to find him"

"There were no footprints, General Hammond, only marks where something had been dragged. We tracked these markings for approximately 200 yards," Teal'c offered, allowing a shaken Jack to cap off the anger building inside. 

"Sir, the planet consisted of ashes, possibly volcanic in nature, and when we found Daniel, he was covered almost entirely by soot and debris," Sam swallowed to control her emotions. "Colonel O'Neill checked for a pulse, we immobilized Daniel, and ran back to the Stargate."

"Was he conscious on the planet?" General Hammond asked incredulously. He had seen the condition Daniel was in when they arrived. He hoped the young man didn't have to suffer such brutality aware of each blow.

"Yes, sir, he was. For a while." Jack understood precisely why his CO had asked. It was among the reasons for Jack's seething, bilious disposition.

"How is it that Dr. Jackson was abducted without any of you noticing?" Hammond inquired in a staccato, hushed manner.

"Daniel was taking soil samples..." Jack began. Hammond leaned toward him expecting clarity on the point.

"But that is not his responsibility. Why was our Chief Archeologist taking soil samples?"

"The geo-guy's wife went into labor. Daniel told him he'd pick up some dirt for him. Daniel's nice that way," Jack bitterly recounted. He was beginning to lose track of the times Daniel's propensity to be nice had come around and slapped him. 

"Daniel was the last through the gate, sir. The last I saw him, he was just putting the sample bags in his field pack," Sam offered. "Then I went through the 'gate and..." She shook her head. "I'm sorry, sir. That's the last time any of us saw Daniel."

"When at last we were able to coalesce on P5X-729, we found Daniel Jackson's field pack very close to where Major Carter had last seen him. This seems to suggest he had been taken within moments of SG1 leaving the platform," said Teal'c.

"Then elucidate me, Colonel, how anyone could have grabbed Dr. Jackson that quickly without you being aware of their close proximity?" The general's blue eyes seared into Jack accusingly.

"There was no one there, sir. There were no trees, no ground cover, nothing. There wasn't a place where anyone could have been hiding without us seeing them," Jack snapped. "That's why we have to go back..."

"Not a chance, Colonel."

"General, with all due respect..."

"Colonel O'Neill, that is my final word. You will not go back to that planet. Is that clear?" General Hammond barked. Jack glared at him.

"Yes, sir."

"General Hammond, sir, would it be possible for us to send the UAV through to do some recon?" Sam asked. General Hammond sat back heavily in his chair and mulled over the thought.

"Yes, I'll allow the UAV through. But then I want those coordinates tagged for hostile intent, understood?" They all nodded. "Now, I have a message from Doctor Fraiser." Sam and Teal'c offered their utmost attention, nervously awaiting what news he had to offer. Jack kept his eyes hidden from view. "Doctor Fraiser has asked me to tell you that until the time she can brief us all on Doctor Jackson's condition, she'd like us to stay clear of the infirmary."

"But..."

"No, I'm sorry. There's no arguing about this, Major. **I** wasn't even allowed entrance. There's simply too much that needs to be done for him at this time, and we'd all just be in the way. She told me she'd call as soon as she was ready to give us a report. Is that understood?" Sam looked to Teal'c, his countenance belying the gravity of General Hammond's statement. She looked to Jack who hadn't lifted his head since the pronouncement of the news from Janet. Sam decided she should be the voice of SG1.

"Yes, sir. We understand," she told him, nodding.

"Thank you. Now if there's nothing more..." General Hammond started. Jack flew from his seat and out the door. Sam nervously looked to the general trying to ascertain the situation. General Hammond remained silent waiting for the obligatory slamming of doors. "Dismissed."

*****

There had been very few times when Janet had not allowed Jack or the general in to the infirmary. This was one of them. The extent of injuries to Daniel's body was incomprehensible. She told SG1 and General Hammond that they'd have a full report when she had completely finished her medical assessment and treatment. She didn't believe that allowing anyone else besides the medical team to witness the trauma was a wise decision. What purpose would it suit them to see the lacerations across his chest and torso? How could it help them understand the complexity of the situation by observing the blistered skin from the nape of his neck to the backs of his thighs? Would knowing that Janet had put in at least 100 stitches in his hands elucidate the attack anymore for them? She was a trauma physician, trained to respond effectively and calmly to injuries such as his, but the extent of Daniel's injuries caught even her off balance. _My God, what did they do to you?_ she found herself asking as she and her team mended his torn skin. _My God, how did this happen?_ she'd reiterate as she cleaned and debrided the burns on his back. _My God, how will you overcome this?_ she echoed in her heart as she x-rayed the broken ribs, the cracked metatarsals, the fractured pelvis. _My God, how will any of us overcome this?_ When all the gaping wounds were closed, and the dead skin had been painfully scrubbed away, and the bones immobilized, when all that was completed and Daniel had been sedated, Janet excused herself and hurried to her office. Once inside she closed the door, pulled the blinds, clamped her hands over her mouth and wept. She had treated every SG team since the inception of the program, but the horrendous nature of the injuries Daniel had sustained sickened her. She wept for his pain, but more so for the recovery ahead of him. After everything he'd been through as a member of SG1, would he be able to come back from this as well? Janet stumbled to her sink and threw water on her face. The clock read 2219. She had been in the infirmary for eight hours treating Daniel. The general would be waiting for her report, and she'd better be able to give him one without having the overwhelming desire to retch. She picked up the phone and dialed General Hammond's office.

"General. Doctor Fraiser. Give me five minutes. Thank you, sir." Janet hung up the phone and threw a fresh lab coat over her scrubs before heading for the briefing room. _It's just a body that has sustained injuries_ , she tried to remind herself. But the bloody and broken hands, his scratched corneas, the gash that ran from his navel to his hip...They were images that flipped through her mind's eye like a macabre slide show. Outside the briefing room, Dr. Fraiser steadied herself one last time. Once inside, she made eye-contact with each person seated. _How do you begin when the patient is so much more than just a name on a chart?_ Slowly, Janet took a seat next to the general.

"Daniel is resting," she began. They took a collective breath, the worst case scenario not having been realized. "He has a concussion and a series of deep lacerations on his scalp. He has second degree burns from the nape of his neck to his thighs. He has superficial scratches on both corneas. We put eight sutures in his eyelid where his glasses impacted the bone, four sutures in his lower lip, sixteen across his jaw bone, at least one-hundred from his fingers to his elbows, and more than I can count in various lacerations and puncture wounds from his neck to his knees. These lacs range from two-inches to 15 inches. The weapon they used must have emitted heat, because for the most part the lacerations were cauterized. He has four broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a bruised kidney and diaphragm, plus a hairline fracture to his pelvis. His right hand is fractured, and as soon as we can get him into an operating room we're going to have to put some pins in there, as well as sew up the multiple lacerations on the top and palm. The remainder of the injuries are superficial puncture wounds, scrapes and burns, although not the severity of the burns on his back." It was out. She managed to recite the litany of injuries without having to excuse herself to vomit. The look of disbelief and anguish on their faces jolted her out of her clinical mode. She felt her palms began to sweat, her chest tightening. "What the hell happened to him?" she asked them, hoping one of them would have an explanation that would help her to understand this abomination. They could offer nothing in response. They could only stare at her, through her, trying to answer the same question. General Hammond took the initiative to speak for the group.

"Dr. Frasier, we have no better idea how this could have happened to Dr. Jackson than you," he told her as sympathetically as possible. "When SG1 was finally able to return to P5X-729, there was no sign of his attackers. They found him lying in an ashen wasteland."

"It is most important that we obtain any information regarding the attack that Daniel Jackson can give us," stated Teal'c. "When do you believe we will be able to communicate with him?" Janet knew Teal'c had no intention of sounding so callous, but the disregard for Daniel's physical state by the Jaffa seemed inappropriate and cold.

"Daniel is in enormous pain and therefore under heavy sedation. As soon as we can, we're going to operate on his hand. I think your questions can wait," she snapped. Teal'c bowed his head in compliance. Janet immediately regretted her tone. "I apologize, Teal'c. Look, his body will heal, but I'm more concerned about the residual effects of a trauma like this." She looked directly at Jack, hoping he could empathize with the situation. Jack cast his eyes away. He was having a hard enough time stomaching the idea of Daniel having been a victim of such violence, much less having to be reminded of his own violent past.

"We'll give him all the time he needs," Jack informed her. Janet looked around the room at the despondent faces. 

"Are there any other questions I can answer for you?" she asked. 

"When can we see him?" Sam asked through a strained, tight voice.

"I'm going to ask that all of you stay clear of the infirmary at least until he's out of surgery. There are just too many people rushing in and out of his room, and he simply needs as much rest as possible. Can I have your word that you will follow this request?" She looked around to find each of them nodding. "Thank you. I'll tell you when he's in recovery. General?" 

"Thank you, doctor," General Hammond replied. Janet left the room to go check on Daniel who lay awash in the smoky dreams that come from a sedative mercifully trickling through his veins. "Is there anything else?"

"Yes, sir, there is," Sam began, feeling rather dejected. "The UAV data came back inconclusive."

"It didn't find any life forms near the area where Dr. Jackson was found nor near the 'gate?" General Hammond inquired.

"No, sir. It didn't find **any** signs of life. Period."

"So we're back to where we started," Jack said. "Look, General..."

"Colonel O'Neill, you can save your breath. I am not allowing anyone on that planet until we can talk to Dr. Jackson, and from the sounds of things, that may take a while."

"Dammit, General..."

"Teal'c, Major Carter, excuse us, won't you?" said the General, his face becoming flushed. Sam and Teal'c followed the order and quickly left the room. General Hammond waited until the door was closed before he turned to Jack.

"Jack, why are you so hell-bent on getting back on that planet? Is finding out who did this to Dr. Jackson going to change a thing?" he questioned. Jack sat askew in his chair rubbing his eyes.

"No, it wouldn't, sir, but at least I'd have some satisfaction..."

"...in beating the hell out of someone just like they did to your friend?"

"No, sir! Satisfaction in finding whoever did it and why. I owe Daniel that much."

"What you **owed** Dr. Jackson was to find him, and you did that."

"He shouldn't have been lost in the first place."

"But he wasn't lost, Colonel. He was taken. And from the reports your team has given me, that was beyond your control. Unless there's something else I need to know?"

"No, sir." Jack stated tersely.

"Then, let's concentrate on getting Dr. Jackson back on his feet. And Colonel..." Jack sat unmoved, clenching his jaws. "No one is holding you responsible, least not me. Don't beat yourself up over this, Jack."

"Yes, sir."

"Now, if there isn't anything more, I'm going back to my office." General Hammond stated, picking up his folder. "Colonel." Jack remained behind futilely attempting to squash the tremors of guilt. Guilt, he knew, for having left Daniel behind. Guilt for allowing him to be tortured at the hands of a murderous, sadistic enemy. Guilt for having the knowledge of how painful the next few months would be for the young man who trusted Jack with his life. With his life.

*****

"Come," Jack called in response to the knock on his door. He caught the tennis ball he'd been bouncing off the wall for he last hour or so. Sam poked her head inside.

"He's in recovery," she told him and swiftly turned to leave. Jack followed, jogging a few paces to catch up with her.

"Janet say anything?" he asked.

"She said it went well." Passing Teal'c's quarters, they informed him that they were going to Daniel's bedside. He joined them as they walked expeditiously to the infirmary. They were apprehensive about what they'd find once they saw him, yet they yearned to be with Daniel, the fourth spoke in their wheel. Cautiously they entered the room. One by one the horrors of Daniel's tortured body were realized. His face, swollen and purple; his lips distended, tiny whiskers of sutures creating an odd track. They were unprepared for the amount of bandages and gauze wraps. His arm, wrapped in a cast, lay upon a pillow on his abdomen. Samantha turned from the sight and grabbed Teal'c's arm to regain her equanimity.

"Are you well, Samantha?" questioned Teal'c placing a large comforting hand on Sam's. She closed her eyes and nodded. Jack separated from Sam and Teal'c and silently pulled up along Daniel's side. He wanted to place a hand on him, but there seemed to be no area that wasn't injured. 

"How did we miss them?" Jack hissed.

"Sir?" asked Sam.

"The UAV didn't pick up any life forms. Where were they?" He held the bed rails tightly, his brow heavy with anguish. Daniel turned his head slowly toward the sound of Jack's voice.

"Jack," he whispered tenuously. Jack bent down closer to Daniel's face.

"Hey, Daniel. How you doing?" he asked as calmly as possible.

"I can't see."

"Your eyes are scratched. Doc says the bandages will come off soon," Jack reassured him. Sam stepped next to Jack, and Teal'c took a position across the bed from her.

"Hi, Daniel," Sam said as brightly as she could muster.

"Sam?" Daniel had very little energy. His voice was merely a falsetto substitute.

"Yeah, I'm here, sweetie," Sam told him as she lightly touched his left hand.

"As am I, Daniel Jackson," offered Teal'c. Daniel tried moistening his lips. A faint whimper left his throat.

"Daniel, are you in pain?" Jack asked, carefully touching his shoulder. Daniel nodded his head slightly. Jack called for Janet who appeared instantly.

"Daniel, are you feeling some discomfort?" she asked, checking his monitors. Again he nodded. "Give me a number, Daniel. From one to ten, where would you rate your pain?" Daniel took short, labored breaths struggling to find his voice through the pain.

"Ten," he finally managed. Janet opened the pain management box connected to his IV and calibrated it to a different setting.

"Daniel," she said as she began to see the increased dosage drip into his IV. "You should start feeling better very soon." Mere seconds passed before Daniel slipped back into a drug-induced sleep. "You all might as well come back later," janet told the three. "He'll be out for hours."

"I'll stay with him," Jack told Janet quietly.

"Colonel, he won't even..."

"I said I'm staying," he interjected doggedly. Janet knew his tone from the many times he had stayed by Daniel's side before. And she was too tired to argue. With one last check of Daniel's monitors, Janet left the room. Teal'c and Sam remained nearby. "Look, why don't you guys go get some rest. It's going to be a long night."

"We could give you the same advice, sir," Sam said, returning to his side. Jack's first instinct was to bark at Sam, send her away. But the sadness and concern in her eyes mirrored his own, and he knew that his hot temper wouldn't help the situation.

"The thing is... I don't want him to wake up and not know what's going on," he shrugged. Sam understood. 

"Okay, Colonel. I'll check back in later, give you a break," she told him, patting his hand gently. Jack nodded. Teal'c and Sam left Jack to his late-night vigil. Jack pulled a chair close to the side of Daniel's bed and sat down exhausted. He leaned his elbows on the side of Daniel's bed, scrubbing his gray hair. _Aw, dammit, Daniel_. Jack reached gingerly for Daniel's bandaged left hand. He covered the younger man's hand with his own, dropped his head onto the side of the bed, and hunkered down for the endless hours ahead.

****

Hours slipped into days; days into weeks. There were moments of complete consciousness, usually when the dead, discolored skin was being scraped off, and moments of hazy cognizance. In between there was stillness interwoven with pain. One week after arriving in the infirmary, Janet removed the bandages from Daniel's eyes. The ability to see again improved his hold on the conscious world. Friends and co-workers came and went, usually while he slept. He found himself falling asleep to the rhythm of Sam's voice and waking to the tapping of Jack's nervous hands. He was grateful for their presence and concern, but attempting to communicate was difficult at best. Barely an hour went by without one of them sitting vigil at his bedside. Slowly, as his need for heavier pain medication wore off, he became more lucid. And with lucidity came questions. 

"Morning, Dr. Jackson," said Janet watching Daniel slowly blink open his eyes. "How do you feel?"

"Like I've been running over a few times by a truck," he told her. Janet checked his chart for the night report.

"Well, I guess that's not too far off," she said, flipping pages.

"Janet, what happened to me?" The point-blank approach to his question stunned Janet. She stared at him momentarily.

"You don't remember?"

"No."

"Daniel, I know Colonel O'Neill has been waiting to talk to you about it. Why don't I give him a call, see if he can come down to speak with you," she said putting his chart away. "In the meantime, why don't you try some breakfast." An orderly placed a tray on Daniel's bed table and raised his bed as Janet went to her office. Once inside she dialed Jack's number, thankful that no off-world activity had been planned for the day.

"This is O'Neill," came the voice.

"Colonel, this is Dr. Fraiser. Daniel is asking about the attack. Do you have a few minutes to spare?"

"I'll be right there." Janet replaced the receiver on its cradle and lowered her head into her hands. _As if the physical recovery weren't enough, now he has to go through this?_ she pondered sadly. Wearily, she returned to Daniel's bedside. She found him sitting upright, not looking entirely comfortable. He cradled his right wrist with his left hand.

"Daniel, do you need something to take the edge off?" she asked.

"Well, I...it's..."

"It's okay to ask for pain medication, Daniel. You're still recovering from many serious injuries," she reminded him.

"I'm just tired of being loopy, you know?" he said, never making eye contact.

"Loopy or not, the body chemistry reacts very poorly to pain. I'll lower the dosage, see if you can manage with a lesser amount. Deal?" she asked. Daniel agreed. While Janet was away, Jack and Teal'c entered the infirmary. They found Daniel sitting up-right in his bed, staring listlessly at his hand. Every time Jack entered the infirmary he was relieved to see more of the healing process in Daniel's body. His face still had traces of yellowish bruising, but gone were the grotesque stitches. The burns on his back were healing extraordinarily well, Janet had said, so his comfort level was increasing. The only visual clues that he had sustained such a trauma were the cast on his arm and the way in which he barely disturbed the air in the room. Jack walked over to the end of Daniel's bed and patted his foot. Daniel looked up.

"So, Daniel. How do you know if an archeologist is an extrovert?" Jack baited him. Daniel squinted his eyes.

"What?"

"When you're talking to him, he looks at **your** shoes instead of his own." Jack raised his eyebrows. Daniel blinked his eyes. "I guess it was funnier when it was a joke about an engineer." Jack sat on the adjoining bed.. 

"I am pleased to see you are recuperating, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c told him, standing at the foot of his bed.

"Thanks, Teal'c. And thanks for the plant. That was...unexpected." Jack stared at Teal'c incredulously.

"You gave him a plant?"

"Major Carter informed me that offering a plant to a convalescing patient was a sign of goodwill."

"What, and now you're wondering where my gesture of goodwill is?" Jack asked Daniel.

"No, not really."

"Didn't bring you a plant... Thought you'd be allergic to it... That's it!" Jack snapped is fingers. "I was looking out for your health and welfare. Otherwise I would have filled the room with...green plants. Anyway, how are you feeling today?"

"Not...great," he responded quietly. "Jack, I need to know what...how..." Jack leaned forward and dovetailed his fingers.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"You ordering us back through the 'gate. I was collecting the last of the soil samples when the 'gate opened. I watched you go through, Teal'c, Sam, and then..." his blue eyes danced mournfully. "That's it." Jack nodded. He could fill him in. To a point.

"When we got back to the SGC and realized you weren't behind us, we tried to radio you. We didn't get an answer, so we assumed you were in trouble. We dialed back out and went through the 'gate. When we got to the other side, we were met by an inferno that surrounded the DHD and the Stargate. We were about ready to put jam in our pockets, 'cause we were toast. There was no way of getting through it, so I ordered the team to fall back. We sent the MALP through, but it showed us what we all ready knew." Daniel listened to Jack with a look of horrific curiosity. Daniel's eyes darted back and forth realizing what Jack was telling him.

"How long was I gone?"

"From the time you disappeared until we got you back here, about five-hours." Daniel closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead with his hand. "Daniel, we tried everything we could to get on that planet. The flames were like... lit jet fuel. And then...and then it was over." Jack shrugged his shoulders. "We mounted an S and R as soon as we got the okay. Before actually." Jack averted his eyes. 

"We found you approximately 200 yards from the Stargate," Teal'c continued. "You were close to death." Jack looked at Daniel to see how he was doing processing this new information. 

"You said, 'Danny, you with me?'" Daniel told Jack, shocked to have made the connection with the tightly wrapped memory of the rescue.

"Yeah? Yeah! Probably. You remember that?"

"That's it."

"Okay. Okay. It's a start. So, Carter and I found you. We put you on the stretcher. Be thankful you don't remember that. And then we booked for the 'gate." Jack wondered if there was anything else Daniel needed to know. Everything else could wait. "That pretty much brings you up to speed." 

"I can't remember any of it," Daniel said forlornly. 

"Listen, Daniel, you're memory may start bubbling up here a little at a time. It might get kind of wicky. Don't hesitate to call one of us, okay?" Jack wanted him to understand the ramifications of posttraumatic recall, of the chaos it brings. 

"Thanks. It should be okay. Won't it?" Daniel asked, practically pleading with Jack to tell him the lies that he needed to hear. Jack stumbled around in his vocabulary trying to find the right thing to say: Absolutely! You betcha! You could get lucky! I guess. Maybe. No...Jack rubbed his face.

"Just call me," he told him, choosing not to lie, but to spare Daniel the truth he would soon learn.

"Here you go, Dr. Jackson," Janet said handing Daniel a cup with pills in it and a glass of water. "With all the water, please." Daniel did as he was told. "By the way, Colonel, when you're finished here, you have a long over-due hearing test to take. Do we understand each other, Colonel?" she said walking toward her office. 

"D'oh!" Jack sneered. He jumped off the bed and stood next to Daniel. He reached to place a hand on Daniel's shoulder, and then pulled it back. "I'm just in my office if you need me." Daniel stared straight ahead. "You okay with all this new information?"

"No, but I will be," Daniel admitted, glancing quickly at Jack. "Thanks, Jack. Teal'c." Jack tapped the side table and began to leave with Teal'c. Suddenly he turned back to Daniel. He paused to gather his galloping emotions. He wanted to tell Daniel how relieved he was to see him conscious; tell him how afraid he had been on P5X-729; tell him how sorry he was for having left him there in the first place.

"I'll check in later."

"That's okay, Jack. I'll be fine."

"Humor me." Jack said, squinting his eyes. Daniel nodded, and Jack began to exit the infirmary with Teal'c. Teal'c stopped half-way out the door.

"O'Neill, I believe the direction you should be taking is that way," Teal'c pointed toward Dr. Fraiser's office.

"I realize that, Teal'c. Have I ever shown you my collection of staplers?" he said, taking the Jaffa by the shoulder and escorting him out of the infirmary.

*****

"Dr. Jackson, it's good to see you on your feet," General Hammond said. Daniel was being assisted by a nurse on his right side, a cane in his left hand. His face wore the expression of one in considerable pain. "May I?" the general asked the nurse. She handed Daniel over to the large hands of General Hammond. Daniel glanced over at him, not entirely comfortable with the idea of his CO helping him with his obligatory afternoon walk. "How's the hip?" Breathing heavily, Daniel considered his answer.

"Let's see. It's, um...uh,.."

"I take it not great," the general offered. Daniel shook his head. "You've been through a hell of an ordeal. Besides the aches and pains, how are you doing otherwise?"

"Oh...Okay. Jack seems to be...hovering," Daniel grimaced. He laboriously slid his feet down the hall.

"Well, you'll excuse the colonel. He's worried about you. Checking in on you from time to time..."

"...or every hour on the hour..."

"Most likely, yes. Anyway, by keeping an eye on you, he's able to assuage that part of him that last track of you on 729."

"It doesn't... sound like it...could have been helped," Daniel managed.

"No, it doesn't, but part of what makes Jack O'Neill one of the finest officers in the Air Force is his willingness to take ultimate responsibility for whatever happens to his team." They rounded the corner to Daniel's bed. General Hammond noticed the beads of sweat dotting Daniel's face. "You're sure you're not pushing yourself too hard, Dr. Jackson?"

"Believe me," he said, reaching for his chair. "This is...not my idea." General Hammond helped him lower himself into the chair. Once seated, Daniel leaned his head back, shut his eyes, and concentrated on lowering is respiration. General Hammond filled a glass of water for him. When Daniel finally opened his eyes, the general offered the glass to him. Daniel gratefully accepted it.

"Dr. Jackson, I've seen you bounce back after predicaments most people couldn't even comprehend. But this one seems to have you by the throat." General Hammond stated. "How's this time different?" Daniel tipped his head wearily to the side, his eyes half-open.

"This time I feel like I'm being attacked from the inside," he told the general, avoiding the older man's gaze. "I close my eyes and I hear screaming...and I know it's me doing it. Right now, that's all I can remember about...it. And if that's the one thing I can clearly remember, I don't think I want to know anymore." Daniel clenched his teeth and ran a shaky hand through his hair, stopping to feel one of the scars on his scalp.

"Son, do you think it's time to talk to someone about this?"

"Like a psychiatrist? No no no no." Daniel had had his fill of the psychiatric profession a few years back and didn't come away from the experience with a positive attitude.

"Then talk to Jack. He's been through some tough times. I think it could do you both some good to hash it all out."

"Jack," Daniel echoed. Jack. The name he had heard himself scream so often in his mind. "General, I'm, uh...I'm pretty tired, so if you'll..."

"Say no more, Dr. Jackson," General Hammond said, rising from his chair. "I'll be by another time. You get some rest. The SGC just isn't the same without your presence." And with that he unknowingly left Daniel to his increasingly debilitating memories.

****

"Hi, Janet," Sam said in little more than a whisper. "You're here late." Janet put Daniel's chart back in its basket. 

"He had a bad day. I just wanted to check in on him one more time before I left," she told Sam.

"Take off. I'll stay with him for a while. I brought some reports that I need to rifle through," she told Janet, rubbing her back gently. Janet gave Sam a melancholy smile and left the room. In the four-weeks of watching Daniel struggle to recover, Sam was sure of only one thing: He was far from healed. The few times she saw him out of his bed and walking around the infirmary wing, he seemed fragile. That morning she had gone to the infirmary to visit him. She found him slowly maneuvering the hall outside his room, haltingly proceeding. When at last he reached the corner he seemed to take shelter in the two intersecting walls, pushing his shoulders into the angle. His right arm, still immobolized lay across his abdomen while the left arm clung tightly to its partner. When he closed his eyes, Sam saw him involuntarily quake. She knew better than to rush to him, startle him. More than likely he was remembering a moment, overcome by a sense of fear that he couldn't explain. It was happening more and more, and they had all been advised to proceed with caution and care. Slowly she sidled in next to him, put a hand on his and waited for Daniel to come back to her. His eyes fluttered and then focused on Sam. He stared at her for a long moment before being able to put words to a question.

"Is this how it felt to have Jolinar's memories in your head?" he whispered, the rims of his eyes barely able to contain the meniscus of tears. She moved in toward him a few inches at a time, allowing him the chance to stop her advances. But he didn't stop her. As she reached to embrace him, Daniel dropped his head into her shoulder and wept. She held him, caressed his back, spoke words of peace and calm to him until the tears abated and the strength to continue down the hall returned. Were her recalled memories of Jolinar anywhere near as frightening as the package of memories Daniel's mind was unfolding layer by layer? Jolinar's memories were varied, some horrendous, some filled with love and comfort. But above all else, they belonged to Jolinar, and Sam knew she could separate that which Jolinar had revealed to her and Sam's own cache of memories. Daniel didn't have that option. Every layer of the attack, every hint of terror were his to wade through unprotected from the suffering. 

And so she sat with him, watching him sleep, hoping with this night his subconscious would rest and allow him to find comfort in restorative slumber. She lazily looked around the small room, at the plants and cards and letters Daniel had received. Very few. Sometimes it shocked Sam how few people Daniel had in his life. After all, Sam had her dad and her brother and his family, at the very least, not to mention the people of the SGC. She could always count on a note from one of them in her mail box or on her e-mail account. Except her dad, that is. But she knew she could reach him whenever she needed to. But Daniel was utterly alone. Looking around at the sparse communications, she understood why he spent so much time in his office instead of in his apartment. At least in Cheyenne Mountain, there was a chance that someone would know if he were missing.

"Uuuuuuuuh....uuuuuuuh....Wha!" Sam bolted to Daniel's bedside. He was in a frenzy backing away from the sheets, in a panic to extricate himself from his bedding. "Stop!" he screamed. Sam sat on the bed and took one of his hands into her own.

"Daniel, it's me! Daniel, you're having a nightmare!" He was shaking fiercely. Sam grabbed Daniel's face trying to get him to focus.

"Jack!"

"No, Daniel. It's Sam. Sweetie, I'm here. Wake up, Daniel." Daniel's eyes darted around the room trying to bring Sam's face into focus. "You okay?" she asked looking deeply into his eyes, hoping to see that he was indeed out of his nightmare. He grabbed onto her wrist and panted.

"Sam?"

"Yes, Daniel. It's over."

"Rolling," he uttered breathlessly. 

"What?" Dr. Fraiser returned to the room having heard the struggle.

"I was rolling through glass," he whimpered, closing his eyes. Janet checked his pulse and shot a look at Sam wondering if they were on the same page. 

"Where?"

"I don't know. It seemed so real, though. It certainly felt like more than a dream."

"Do you think you may have been on 729?" Sam asked.

"I...I...yeah, maybe." He grabbed a handful of hair and grimaced.

"Daniel, are you in pain?" Janet asked.

"Yeah, but I can't tell if it's real pain or imagined from my dream."

"I'll give you something to help you rest." Janet told him as she rubbed his shoulder. 

"I was rolling along the ground, screaming. The glass kept cutting me..." Daniel drew both knees up and covered his face with his hand.

"Sounds more like a recovered memory than a nightmare," Janet told Sam, handing Daniel a pill and a cup of water. Daniel threw the pill in his mouth and downed it quickly. 

"Daniel, can you remember any voices or faces? Sounds that may have been in the area?" Sam asked.

"No, nothing. It was silent. Oh, God," he scowled as the adrenalin unleashed by the memory pounded through his veins. He threw this head back and rubbed his face vigorously. "Sam, what happened to me on 729?" He seemed so frightened and frail. Even if she knew what had transpired, she's not sure she could tell him.

"We don't know."

"I **know** you don't know! What do you **think** happened? Just... just give me something to help me understand this."

"We think whoever it was grabbed the last person, **you** , and..." She didn't want to tell him what she really thought, which was 'beat the hell out of you and left you for dead.' So she scuttled that part of the report and went directly to the end. "We think they lit a fire which afforded them enough time to escape through the Stargate without us being able to trace their movement. I'm sorry, Daniel. We just don't know anymore than that."

"I wish you did."

"We all do, Dr. Jackson," Janet offered.

"Why would anyone do this to me?"

"I ask myself the same thing all day long." Sam told him, her head lowered.

"Did I do something back there to... to..."

"No! God, no, Daniel. You didn't do anything," Sam comforted him as she reached out to place a hand on his knee. Daniel rested his forehead on her hand.

"I'm so tired, Sam."

"I'm sure you are." Sam massaged Daniel's neck gently. "Go to sleep. I'll stay here tonight," she assured him. Daniel nodded and cautiously slid down in his bed. Sam helped straighten his covers and then pulled a chair to the side of his bed. Daniel kept his eyes trained on Sam's. He wanted her to intrinsically understand the chaos in his mind, wanted her to soothe his distress. He wished she could crawl into bed with him, wrap her arms around him, hold him until the wicked hours of night passed by. Like Sha're had so many months ago. Sam held his gaze.

"You should sleep better now."

"I miss sleeping with my wife." Daniel told her laying curled upon his side, his left hand balled up under his chin. The statement took Sam by surprise. She wasn't sure she should be privy to such intimate details of his life, even if they were best of friends.

"Uh, Daniel, I..."

"I'm not talking about that, Sam. I'm talking about sharing a safe place in this world with the woman I love... loved." Sam reached out and took hold of Daniel's hand. "I miss falling asleep to the rhythm of her breathing. I don't think I ever fell asleep first. I'd always wait for those little twitches, you know?" he smiled dolefully. Sam smiled back. "I miss waking up in the middle of the night to push her hair out of my face." Sam caressed the back of his hand with her thumb while she watched his blue eyes fill with tears. "When you share a bed with your spouse, you never need to get up and get an extra blanket. You can make it through the coldest night just by knowing where to put your feet and hands." Sam wiped a tear from his nose as he lethargically blinked his eyes. "She'd get up ridiculously early, and I'd roll over to her side to feel the warmth left behind, to smell her side of the bed. That's what I used to dream about. Not anymore." His eyelids surrendered to the heaviness. "I miss my wife," he whispered before the sedative took him from the fluorescent light of the room and into sleep where visions of Sha're danced mercifully through golden light. Sam lightly combed through his hair with her fingers. Her heart broke a dozen different ways for Daniel.

"You okay?" Janet asked, having witnessed the scene from across the room. Sam wiped away her own tears, never letting go of Daniel's hand.

"Oh, God, Janet. He seems so lost," she said. Janet stood next to her, looking down at the Daniel in the medicinal state of repose. "Every day I come in here, he seems farther away."

"I know. I'm worried about him, too," Janet confided. "I mentioned to him that he could talk to the psychiatrist on staff, but he flatly refused. He thinks when his memory fully returns he'll be fine."

"Do you think so?" 

"No," Janet answered sadly. "I have to release him soon. I'm confident that he'll be physically ready to leave. I'm concerned about his emotional state."

"Can't you keep him here a little longer?"

"No. Regulations are very particular about when a patient is to be released. I hate to put the onus on your team, but really, you're all he has."

"I know. I'll talk to Jack and Teal'c. We'll make sure he..." Sam covered her mouth as she felt new tears forming in her eyes. "...we'll make sure we don't lose him again." Janet rubbed Sam's shaking shoulder. 

"Don't you fall apart on me, too!" Janet said lightly, trying to stop her own production of tears. "The next thing you know, Jack and Teal'c will be in here bawling, and if there's anything I hate to see, it's an emotional Irishman and a blubbering Jaffa." Sam looked quizzically at Janet. The two women began to giggle through shared tears.

"Now, that I'd like to see," Sam stated, drying her face with her sleeve, smiling at the image. "Thanks, Janet."

"Goodnight, Sam. Call me if you need anything." And Sam was left alone with Daniel, once again, to share the solitude of night with her best friend. 

*****

"So. Big day," Jack announced entering Daniel's room. Daniel casually glanced over his shoulder at the colonel while he took the assorted cards and pictures off the wall.

"Yeah," Daniel agreed apathetically. Jack was becoming more and more accustomed to the taciturn nature of Daniel's responses.

"Do you have a ride home? Because if you don't, I can..."

"One of the orderlies is going to drive me back." Jack accepted the decision with a slight nod.

"Maybe I'll stop by later."

"No, you don't have to. I'll probably just go home and sleep." Daniel placed all the get well missives into his duffel.

"I don't mind..." Daniel pushed the table-tray out of his way, sending the contents of it sliding down the adjacent wall. He grabbed his wrist regretting the sudden movement and the pain it brought. Jack never flinched. "I bet that hurt."

"Yeah, it did!" Daniel turned from Jack.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Jack asked, relying on his stoicism to bring calm to the room.

"I..."

"What, Daniel?"

"I can't. Just...I'll see you Monday," Daniel told him, praying Jack would accept the situation and leave. Daniel despised the feeling of vulnerability and abandonment that gripped him whenever Jack came to see him. It seemed to come from behind a boulder blocking the reasoning behind it somewhere deep in his recollection, and each time he saw Jack, those feeling would come screaming out, front and center. Daniel understood they were wrapped up in the quagmire of his latent memories, but nonetheless he was unable to expurgate them from his day to day dealings with his best friend. It was an overwhelming loss, but a loss over which he had no control. Jack looked around the room absently trying to find the correct thing to say. 

"Okay. Have a good..." Jack stopped in mid-sentence, deciding he wouldn't let Daniel slip away so easily. "No. This is what's going to happen. Around 2000 tonight, 8pm for you, I'm going to stop by with a pizza. I'll mention that I had been in the neighborhood, at which time you'll invite me in, because that's just the kind of nice guy you are. We'll eat pizza, drink a few beers, and we'll talk. Or not, I don't care. But I'm going to be there, in your apartment, making sure you're okay." 

"Why?" Jack rolled his eyes.

"Because I've turned into a mother hen in my old age, and you'll just have to oblige me on this point." Jack waited for a reply, ready for a fight. He watched Daniel run his hand through his hair. There was a long pause while Daniel decided if he could handle having Jack around him for the evening. The thought of being alone with his fears was a fragment more terrifying.

"No green peppers," Daniel told Jack, unable to face him.

"Got it."

"No anchovies."

"Right."

"No hockey."

"We can discuss it," Jack offered. He knew Daniel was crying, he could tell by the way his shoulders almost imperceptibly shook. He also knew that Daniel was tired and more than likely frightened about going home. He knew because only a few years back he had stood in the middle of an infirmary with his own discharge papers, his body aching, his mind exploding. The difference was Jack never let anyone bring him pizza. And he never had a friend as stubborn as himself. So Jack let Daniel cry, knowing there would be more tears. Hoping he could keep Daniel from losing himself in them.

*****

End of Part one.

[Continue to [ Part 2 ]](http://astele.co.uk/StargateFan/Chapter/Details/ashen2.html)

  


* * *

>   
> © April 20, 2001  
> The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

  


* * *

##### I left my comfort zone here, so bear with me. I thought I should contribute something more than a lot of snarky barbs and pathos. What the hay. It's better than watching "Bob the Builder." Thank you ever so much, Lin, for your sagacity and depth of knowledge. Without you, this story would have been a short, incomplete outline. Now it's only incomplete... 

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